So…What’s Stopping Us?

• “Just because there will always be room for improvement doesn’t mean that we can’t do better than we are currently doing.”
• We need to rethink what we think. Ask yourself why you do what you do as a parent. When you are able to humbly reevaluate the way you have always done things, you can open your eyes to a different way of parenting; one more focused on unconditional love and long-term goals.
• Take your child’s point of view seriously.
• Don’t overestimate what your children can handle on their own.
• Be patient with the developmental limitations!
• Do not be afraid to stand out as a parent. When you and your child work together to know what is best for them and you both, do your best to disregard the mocking remarks of others who do not know your family as you do.

Putting off the Natural Man-

     When we put off the natural man, we can remove from us our stubbornness and our tendency to revert back to the ways we were raised. When we open our hearts to the Spirit, we allow our Heavenly Father to help us raise our children, and He is the one and only perfect parent.

Scriptural references:

D&C 18:10; Mosiah 4:27; 2 Nephi 8:7; Ether 12:27; Hebrews 10:35; D&C 3:7; Mosiah 3:19

Unconditional Love

• Children shouldn’t have to earn our approval.
• “Unconditional parenting assumes that behaviors are just the outward expression of feelings and thoughts, needs and intentions.”
• Communication is not about what is said, but what is understood. It doesn’t matter much if you think that you love your child unconditionally, if your child doesn’t feel loved unconditionally.

The Eternal Love of our Heavenly Father-

      Do we not know that our Heavenly Father loves us endlessly? He loves us without limits or conditions. His willing hand is always stretched out to help us. This is the reason we are able to return home to Him. We need to show our children the same love that our Heavenly Father shows us. Limitless and unconditional.

Scriptural references:

Ephesians 3:17,19; 1 John 4:7; Romans 5:5; 1 John 4:8; D&C 88:63; 1 John 4:19; 1 Samuel 16:7; Colossians 2:6

Look To The Long-Term

• We cannot raise our children in a hurry. Slow down. Rearrange your schedule so that you are not in a rush, it will make a world of difference.
• “Anything you do with your children on a regular basis should be evaluated in light of your ultimate goals.”
• The trivial “inconvenient” actions of your child today, tomorrow, or the next day do not matter nearly as much as whether you do or do not help her to become a loving, compassionate and generous person.
• We need to look beyond the short-term, long-term goals, actions and principles promote intrinsic motivation.

The Eternities-

      Know that when you look at the big picture, you can allow the Savior to guide you in your parenting. When you see as He sees, in the long-term view of things, you can better help your child to do the same. As you put value, not on the momentary troubles or misbehaviors of your child, but the eternal goal that you have for them to become well-rounded people who love the Lord, you will become a better parent.

Scriptural references:

Abraham 2:8; Mosiah 4:15; 2 Nephi 25:26

Too Much Control

• “The dominant problem with parenting in our society isn’t permissiveness, but the fear of permissiveness.”
• Offer guidance and set limits without overdoing the control.
• “Those who are pressured to do as they’re told are unlikely to think through ethical dilemmas.”

Agency-

      We must always try to be mindful of our long-term goals with our children. In order for them to become critical thinkers in gaining their own testimonies, it is crucial that they are given the opportunity to think for themselves. When we remove control, we remove the agency. We know that this is not the Father’s plan. If agency was important enough to start a war in heaven over, it sure is important enough to instill within our children.

Scriptural references: 

Mosiah 3:19; Moses 4:1-4; D&C 29: 36-39

Consistency

• “Consistency in your daily routines will breed consistency in your parenting. If you are not consistent, your child will not be well behaved.”
• Your child is not a mind reader
• Reasonable exceptions to your rules do not undermine your authority, they strengthen it. They show that your rules are thought and not arbitrary.

One Eternal Round-

      One of the greatest blessings of the gospel is that we know it will never change. We know that God has always been, and always will be the same. He will never change His laws or doctrines. Because of this blessing, we should raise our children in a home with that same consistency.

Scriptural references:

D&C 3:2; Moroni 10:19; 1 Nephi 10:18; D&C 35:1; 2 Nephi 27:23

Discipline

 

• I tend to try and avoid the word punish. It does not indicate any intention to make right, repair, or learn. Mistakes; anyone’s, especially your child’s, should be an opportunity to learn, not an opportunity to display power or control on your part.
• In what world would we not feel the need to give our children a chance to repair any accidental damage done? Do you not enjoy the same courtesy?
• In order for discipline to become a learning experince, it needs to consist of the following five things:
• Specific identification of the issue at hand.
• A description of the impact that behavior had on others.
• A suggestion for alternatives to that behavior.
• A clear statement of the consequence of that behavior.
• A statement of your expectation that your child will do better next time.

Repentance-

      When we repent and make things right with the Lord, we are allowing the atonement to take its place in our lives and in our hearts. If we do not allow our children the power to make their mistakes right, we are skipping out on a powerful lesson of the atonement and its tremendous correctional power. We need to teach our children the importance of leaning on the Savior and His great and eternal sacrifice, or else it was in vain.

Scriptural references:

Alma 7:11-12; Mosiah 13:28; Mosiah 4:6; Alma 42:15; Isaiah 55:7

Adapt Your Parenting to Fit Your Child

• Your child has unique temperament; work with that temperament rather than constantly battling it. You and your child will both be a lot happier.
• Your goal as a parent is not to avoid being bothered. Parenting is not for the lighthearted.
• Work with your child rather than compelling “good behavior”.

Grace and Mercy-

      By no means is it our responsibility to perfect our children, however; it is important that we teach them in the ways of the Lord, that through Him they can be made perfect and whole. We need to provide the means by which they can learn that all men can be saved by grace. He accepts everyone, and works with them toward eternal perfection; not all at once, but day by day.

Scriptural references:

Isaiah 49:16; Alma 5:33; 3 Nephi 9:14; D&C 93:12

For starters

The ideas and principles featured in this blog are based on principles and ideas outlined by Laurence Steinberg Ph.D. in The 10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting and Alfie Kohn in Unconditional Parenting, which I encourage you all to look into. These thoughts and principles are added to by my own scriptural insights which include citations from the LDS standard works including; The Bible, the Book of Mormon, the Pearl of Great Price, and the Doctrine & Covenants, which I also encourage you all to read.